I have often wondered, “What does a wife really need in a husband?”
She may have money, children, clothes, and a home…and yet still feel a deep need.
Husbands, I think I can help you with one word: “strength.”
Adam and Eve were created equal, co-regents over creation. After Eve sinned, God said to her, “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you” (Gen. 3:16, NASB).
Something shifted. She was still strong physically and emotionally but felt a need to be covered and protected.
Try these tips to meet that need she feels:
1. She is primarily attracted to your emotional strength, not your physical appearance.
- I have often wondered why some of the most beautiful women in the world are married to the some of the ugliest men in the world! They are not looking for “beauty”—they are looking for strength.
- A confident, empathetic man who knows who he is and where he is going “turns her on.” She is attracted to the inner feeling she has that he will provide for her, protect her, and be the type of father her children need.
2. A wife perceives if her husband is willing to die for her to defend her.
- Your wife often feels uncomfortable: a phone call from a harassing caller, a person taking advantage of her in a store, a conversation where someone is pointing their finger at her.
- STEP IN between her and the thing or person that is making her uncomfortable. Defend her. Protect her. Stand up for her. Never leave her to fend for herself.
- One of my best friends once stood between the gun of a home invader and his wife in her nightgown. He put his life on the line…and the man grabbed a couple of items and left. She never lets him forget that he was willing to die for her!
3. Leadership is knowing where you are going and communicating it.
- Why do husbands ask their wife out to eat and then when they get in the car ask her, “Where are we going?” He invited HER, not vice-versa.
- She wants you to lead. She wants you to tell her the plan. She wants you to think ahead, make reservations, tell her how to dress, give her a time to leave.
4. Passive men turn women off.
- A reclusive “couch potato” who walks around wearing headphones all night is not a leader! Get active at home. Eat a meal with her. Watch a movie together. Take a walk together. Sit down and talk about her day. ENGAGE, BRO!
- Be proactive about maintenance. Be proactive about child discipline. Be proactive about finances. She will sit back and silently say, “Yes!”
Flowers are good. Candy is good. Cards are good.
Strength is better.
Wake up tomorrow morning and step up. Look life in the eyeballs and take it on. Step between her and problems and watch her get EXCITED about you again!
Larry was Senior Pastor at Bethany Church in Baton Rouge for 30 years. He now travels around the world speaking to ministry leaders. Larry is currently the Executive Director of Surge Project, a worldwide church-planting movement that has planted over 25,000 new churches since it started in 2000.